Breakeven - GermanyxReader

Breakeven

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even
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Shocked, I held the picture of _______ and I standing in front of our friend Feliciano's restaurant in my hands. In my sudden rage, I had taken the framed photo and hurled it away from me, with all of the strength I could muster. Now, I picked myself up from my bed and made my way over to where the picture had smashed against the wall. Disregarding the shattered glass around the area, I knelt  down and took a long look at the picture. The glass that had kept it apart from the rest of the world, untarnished and unstained from the wear of daily life, destroyed. Just like that. Just like the bonds that once held us together, the ones that I had once thought strong, adamant... They were gone. Irreparably, irrevocably, gone. I smiled wryly at the ironic comparison. Well, it was more of a grimace.

I started to brush the little, splintered fragments of glass away from the once treasured photograph. As I continued to clean it off, one of the longer pieces caught on my index finger, and cut me. Once I saw the blood that had gotten over the precious photograph, I swore, rather loudly. Running to the bathroom, I ran the tap over my cut until I was satisfied. Walking back to the scene, I picked up the photograph once more. I felt the tears slide down my face once more as I gazed upon her brilliant smile. The one that could always brighten the day. The one that would never brighten mine again.
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Her best days were some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no
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I looked up from my grocery list to see... 'Oh mien gott... Is that....?" Even as I was staring at her, as if by some magic, I saw her turn and face my direction. The moment she saw me, she looked stunned, as if she never expected me to be at the supermarket... However, it soon changed, but not much, to that of a startled deer. Deer. Dear...

All of the sudden, she turns around, breaking me out of my reverie. With a flash of resentment, and a pang of remorse, I saw that she had turned towards, and was now speaking with, Antonio Carriedo. I found everything that I needed to know in his warm smile, and her shaky, yet comforted smile. Although this was worst form of torture I have yet to endure, I found that I was unable to look away from the scene unfolding before me. I saw it all, as he leaned down and kissed her forehead, ruffling her hair, in almost the same way I used to. Vaguely, I saw her turn around, back towards me, a small, sad smile on her face, as she walked off with him.
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That night, and for many later, I found that I couldn't sleep. Although I had my eyes closed, I could still see her with Antonio. It was like... like a video on endless repeat. Eventually, once I realised that, no matter how much I tossed and turned, I wouldn't be able to sleep, I got up and ran to the nearby park, pouring all of my confused, mangled emotions into the familiar, rhythmic cadence of my boots drumming along the dark pavement.
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What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
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Dear Diary,

Today, I tried to drown my sorrows with some beer, along with my brother. He actually tried to help, for once...
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I blinked, a little dazed as I took another huge gulp. 'How many was this? Four? Five? Six? Twelve? Ah, who cares?' I thought as I took another swig.

"Woah, slow down there, West... You're drinking like there's no tomorrow..."

"Maybe it's because I feel like there isn't. There's only then and there's only now..." I replied moodily, tracing the rim of the bottle.

"Wait... Don't tell me that's what's messing you up..."

I only downed the rest of my drink as a response.

"Look, West... I know that you really liked her, and you two were really close... But face it, being like this isn't going to help...." said my bruder, for once, trying to help. Too late...

"Who cares? There's not a chance that she'll come back to me... You know who she's with right now? Antonio. Yeah, your buddy, Antonio..." I said, rather bitterly, as I reached for another drink.

He sighed, "Well... Alright then... If you ever want to talk..." he said, as he left the counter.

I sat at the counter for awhile, trying to figure out exactly what had happened, while stewing in my own misery.

The last thing that I remember thinking before passing out was this: 'Scheiße...Mein bruder was right... She wouldn't have wanted to see me like this...'
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They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even... no
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I sighed, running a hand through my hair. 'I-I really should have payed more attention to her...'
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"Ludwig Beilschmidt. We need to talk"  she said, stalking into the room, scowling.

"Was?" I asked, not looking away from the screen.

Still scowling, she reached over and turned off the monitor. I frowned. 'This had better be important...' I thought, taking my gaze off of the screen and taking off my reading glasses.

"What is it?"

"This..." she said, gesturing towards my desk.

Confused, I waited for her to elaborate.

"You're always working. When was the last time we've done something together?"

"That would be... yesterday."

Her scowl deepened, "I mean, the last time we actually did something that wasn't interrupted by your work."

At that, I fell silent, trying to remember.

"See? You probably can't even remember!" she exclaimed.

'Scheiße... She was right...'

"Look... What do you want me to do? I can't just drop everything, especially now, when it's the busy season..." I trailed off when I saw the look on her face.

"Look Ludwig... I just can't do this anymore... Until you actually have the time for me..."

I nodded, my throat dry. I knew what she meant. And that there was nothing I could do.

Her gaze softened, "Thank you for your understanding..."

Se stood there awkwardly for a moment before continuing, "Well... I suppose that I'll be going now... I'll come to pick up my things soon..."

"Wait!" I heard myself call out, "Can you please just give me another chance?"

"I-I can't... I'm sorry..."
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What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even)
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Dear Diary,
Today, I suffer the consequences of yesterday's bid to forget. But what else can I hope to do? Even Feliciano has noticed how I've been lately...
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"Ve~ Guys! Guys?" asked Italy. After a little of this, he slumped back in his chair, a little discouraged by the fact that no one was listening to him. Soon enough though, he turned to me and said, "Ve, ve~! Germany, guess what?"

Barely mustering the strength to look up at him, I asked, a little lacklusterly, "Was...?"

Seeing the rather dead and defeated look in my eyes, he, for once, bravely, continued, "W-well... I, uh... Well, I heard all about this wonderful place for pasta... And..."
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Oh, you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, ooh
'Cause you left me with no love and honour to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break...
No, it don't break
No, it don't break even, no
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Blankly, I replayed the voice message for the fifth time. Apparently, she'd be back at two, as she forgot something. As I pulled about my phone and was about to call and say that I'd be out, and would leave the box with Prussia, I paused. Instead, I did something I almost never do. I texted. It was a simple thing, but it made me pause.
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What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?
(Oh glad you're okay now)
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
(Oh I'm glad you're okay)
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even)

Oh, it don't break even no
Oh, it don't break even no
Oh, it don't break even no
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"Wow... I- I've changed so much... I've let this define what I'm becoming..."

"I'm sorry..."
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